Domestic Violence

Relate is working to promote health respect and justice in couple and family relationships.

Is counselling an appropriate form of help?...

When a person is being hurt or threatened by their partner or is afraid for their safety and their children's safety, counselling them with their partner is not safe. The counselling process may itself precipitate further abuse. Our priority is to:-

Increase the safety of victim/survivors and their children
Prevent domestic violence occurring/re-occurring.
Help abusers to be accountable for their abusive behaviour.

People who have been abusive or violent to their partners ask Relate to help them stop. Relate encourages their motivation to change, however Relationship Counselling may not be an appropriate form of help at this stage. We help people to connect with a specialist agency through Respect (see useful phone numbers below).

In what circumstances can Relate help?...

Early intervention

When a couple tell us there has been some abusive or violent act and asks us to help them, we make a careful assessment in order to check whether we can offer them a service or not. The assessment looks at the following areas which will help us and them decide whether we are the right agency to support them:

Does the perpetrator fully accept the responsibility for their action?
Are they motivated to change?
Does their partner really want to accompany them in this work?
Is it viable to make a realistic safety plan to allow us to work with the couple?
When there are two people, are we able to offer a service to both partners or just one person.
Each person is assessed on an individual basis.

The outcome of some assessments will show that we cannot offer a service yet but may be able to in the future, when the person concerned has had more specialist support. The counsellor will make recommendations about where specialist support will be sought.

Bridging to safety

Many people suffering abuse do not know if what is happening to them is normal, they think it is something that just happens in relationships.

Their Relate counsellor will help them see that what is happening is not normal or acceptable and help them to take action to increase their safety.

Relate provides a place where someone who is in a dangerous relationship

Can tell what is happening to them
Will be heard and believed and
Will then be supported and helped to connect with the resources they need

Relate understands the interconnection between protecting and supporting children who witness domestic violence and the need to support and protect their vulnerable parent.

Prevention - strengthening equality

Relationship work can strengthen equality and develop elements such as respect, trust and support, negotiation and fairness - conditions that counter those common to abusive relationships.

Recovery

Relate provides individual counselling and sex therapy for those who leave abusive relationships to help them come to terms with the past and move on.

We also provide family counselling for families dealing with the adjustment to a new way of being as a family.

Relate helps many adults who witnessed domestic violence in their childhood to cope with the impact it is having on their current relationship or sex life.

Useful phone numbers:-

Women's Aid:- 0808 800 0340 - Nottinghamshire's Domestic Violence Forum. 24 hour free phone Domestic Violence helpline. Advice, information, somewhere safe to stay, someone to talk to.

National Domestic Violence Helpline:- Freephone 0808 2000 247 - Provides access to 24 hour emergency refuge accommodation and information service, including safety planning and translation facilities.

Respect Phoneline:- 0845 122 8609 - Information and advice for those who are violent and abusive to their partners. Specialises in providing services to male perpetrators, but will also be available to female perpetrators and those in same sex relationships.

Careline:- 020 8514 1177

Broken Rainbow - 08452 60 44 60 - Lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender domestic violence forum.

Foreign and Commonwealth Office:- 020 7008 0135 / 020 7008 0230 - Advice on forced marriages.

Legal Aid advisors:- www.justask.org.uk/index.jsp

Lesbian & Gay Switchboard (Nottingham):- 0115 934 8485

Lesbian Line (Nottingham):- 0115 941 0652

Lawyers against Domestic abuse (Nottingham):- 0115 851 1090

MALE Domestic Violence Project::- 0845 0646800 - Emotional support for male victims of domestic violence and for gay, transsexual and transgender men involved in violent relationships. Also acts as referral point for men who use violence and want to change.

Muslim women's Helpline:- 020 8904 8193/020 8908 6715. - Free, confidential listening service and referral to Islamic consultants, plus practical help and information where required.

National Health Service:- (for example your GP) Look in the phone book for your local number.

NHS Direct::- 0845 46 47 - Health Advice and Information

Nottingham Rape Crisis:- 0115 941 0440

Nottingham Social Services (out of hours):- City: 0115 915 9299; County: 0115 844 7333

Police (and other emergency services):- call 999 - Or look in the phone book for the number of your local police station.

Refuge:- 020 7395 7700. www.refuge.org.uk - General enquiries.

Reunite:- 0116 2556 234 - Advice, information and support to parents, guardians and family members who have had or who fear child abduction.

Samaritans:- 0345 90 90 90

Shelterline:- 0808 800 4444 - (Housing)

Tulip Group:- 0151 637 6363 - For parents experiencing violence from their children.

Victim Support:- 0845 30 30 900. www.victimsupport.org.uk

Victim support (Nottingham):- 0115 844 5094

Victim Support Male Helpline:- 0800 328 3623 - For male victims of domestic violence, sexual abuse or other crimes.

Child Protection

National Child Protection Helpline NSPCC:- 0800 800 5000
Free coinfidential service for anyone concerned about children at risk including children themselves. Offers counselling, information and advice.

The Hideout www.thehideout.org.uk
This is a resource for children and young people experiencing domestic abuse.

Childline:- 0800 1111 www.childline.org.uk.
Free confidential counselling service for children and young people 24 hours a day. Calls will not show up on mobile phone bills.